dude i'm inner monologue high
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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