just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
