jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
