just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
