Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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