We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
