Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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