just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
