i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
