**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
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