I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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