My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Randomize
