I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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