My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
