Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
