Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
