Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
