but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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