dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
