I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize