I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
