i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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