another moral hangover. fuck.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
