I can feel you judging me through the phone.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
