I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
The feeling are messing with the penis
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
