i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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