Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
