So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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