i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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