you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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