She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Randomize