Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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