Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
