dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
