somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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