I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
