I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
