i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
