Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
