Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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