i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
