My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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