i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Someone signed my nipple.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
