his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
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