There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
