There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
