i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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