I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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