Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
