Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
