the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
