I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
