I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
