Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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