Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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