He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
