he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Will exercising make me less horny?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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