Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
