Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
