if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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