When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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