youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
