I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
