Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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