My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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