Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize