I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
