I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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