so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
