he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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