Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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