Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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