The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize