I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
