This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
