so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
