i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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