Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
