I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
