Please, let me fuck your mom
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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