we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
