we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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