i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
