I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
