you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
