I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
