If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
