I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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