dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
