He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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