There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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