So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
