I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
