People with herpes should wear stickers.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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