..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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