he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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