I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
