Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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