His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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