Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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