can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
