a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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