what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
