Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
