I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
