She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize