Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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