you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
