arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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