this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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